


Nightmare

by Nichya



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 12:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25969375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nichya/pseuds/Nichya
Summary: Ursa discovers what happened to Azula at the end of the war and is forced to face her worst fear.
Relationships: Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Ozai & Ursa (Avatar), Ozai/Ursa (Avatar), Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75





	Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Ursa choosing to forget her own children was one of the worst things about the comics, and i'll never forgive the writers for it.

Even when she had been face to face with Azula, Ursa couldn't fully believe in what she had been told. It couldn't be truth. It just couldn't be. Someone as strong and proud as Azula would never end up like this.

Yet here she was. Unfoucoused eyes, sickly pale skin, incoherent speech, hands shaking, tears still wet on her face. Almost completely lost inside her own mind. Oscillating between not recognising her and screaming at her to go away. That she had never been a true mother to her. That she should have never come back.

"I hate you. I hate you. You did this to me."

_I deserve this. I failed her. I'm her mother and i couldn't see that she was in pain. All i could see was what she did wrong. I'm no better than Ozai._

Ozai.

She had known something was off about that man the moment she met him. Yet she fell for his lies as he forced himself into her life. Promises, loving words, gifts - and thinly veiled threats. He always seemed to find a way to remind her and everyone around her just how powerful he was. Demonstrating his terrifying bending abilities whenever he had a chance, and using all of his political influence to get anything and everything he wanted. Eventually he got her.

"I'll be a good husband to you" he had promised her "You'll have anything you want."

_What i wanted was for him to leave me alone._

But he never did. He started to show up at all the places she liked to go - the beach, the theater, the library, and even her friend's houses - and sweet talk her. Eventually he started offering to take her home - and neither she nor her family had been brave enough to say no to the Fire Lord's son whenever he'd ask to stay there with them for a few hours. 

For a long time she was under his spell, turning a blind eye to his more troublesome behaviour. She knew him well enough to know how to avoid his wrath.

But Zuko couldn't. He was a kind soul, yet his father wanted an heir that was as cruel and manipulative as Azulon, in an attempt to gain the Fire Lord's favor. And Ozai always got what he wanted.

So Ursa protected her son as much as she could. She'd spend almost all of her time with him, trying to teach him how to be better than Ozai. For the most part, she succeeded. Unfortunately, she had also been completely irresponsible when it came to her daughter.

"Why wasn't i enough for you?" Azula asked, her voice barely above a whisper, new tears already forming in her eyes "Why did you hate me? What did i do wrong?"

"It wasn't your fault, honey" Ursa said as she wiped her daughter's tears away "I was the adult, i should have known better".

_I shouldn't have blamed you for acting like your father._

Even as a child, Azula had been smarter than everyone around her. Without even realising what she was doing, she had figured out the only way to always stay on Ozai's good graces: act exactly like him.

So she did. And she played the role well. Too well. She wasn't a child anymore, she was a miniature soldier. A Fire Lord in the making. As ambitious as Sozin, as imposing and intimidating as Azulon, as powerful as Iroh and Roku, as cunning and cold as Ozai. Strong, dangerous, and beautiful like fire itself.

But she also needed love and protection as much as Zuko did.

"I never wanted you to be afraid of me" her little angel had said.

"I'm not afraid of you, darling. I never was."

They both knew that was a lie. Every second of every day Ursa feared that Azula would turn into Ozai - or even something that was even worse than him. She could feel a piece of herself dying everytime Azula demonstrated just how simmilar she was to her father. She had been so afraid that she never even noticed how awful Azula must have felt whenever she saw her mother focusing all of her attention on her brother.

_I failed him too. If i had tried harder to protect Azula, they wouldn't have ended up like this. They wouldn't be enemies, and we would be a real family._

"Don't tell me how to raise my children" Ozai had told her once "I know what i'm doing. This is for their own good."

_He taught Azula how to be ruthless and invencible. He never taught her how to love and be loved. And neither did i._

"Why didn't you love me?" 

"I love you, Azula." she said, holding her tightly against her heart and stroking her hair "I love you, and i'm sorry that i wasn't the mother you deserved."

Every day she had spent banished, Ursa thought of what she should have done differently. She imagined facing Ozai's wrath by rejecting his advances. She thought of insane plans to run away with her children and escape their father. She felt ashamed of every mistake she had ever made, and worried that she didn't do enough to protect the two people she loved the most in the world.

Her fears were confirmed when the war finally ended. Zuko had been mistreated, disfigured, banished and nearly killed for refusing to be a monster like his father. Azula was turned into another weapon on the Fire Nation's arsenal, having all that was left of her innocence taken away from her.

Ursa wanted more than ever to wake up and realise that none of this had been real. That she was safe at home with her loving husband, and that her children were safe. That Fire Lord Ozai had been nothing more than an imaginary evil that her mind had created. But she knew that wouldn't happen. And she was tired of needing to ignore the truth in order to keep on living. She was tired of being blinded by fear of a man who had no right to do what he did.

This time she would make things right. She was going to be the mother she should have been to Azula. She was going to stand by her daughter's side and help her heal. No one would ever hurt their family again.


End file.
